Not the end...

No, August 9th was not the end. In so many ways. It was the beginning of Phoenix's precious eternal life in heaven... with my Grandmother and my 2 uncles and his 3 other brothers or sisters that we lost too early to know. It was the beginning of a family that never takes each other for granted again. It was the beginning of a new kind of life for me. The kind of life where you have one foot on earth and one foot in heaven. I love being here with my children and husband. Dearly love it! But, I also LONG for heaven. It is a very real aching in my heart. That ache reminds me where my true citizenship lies. Yes, I already "knew" that before. I grew up in a Baptist church. Of course I knew that. (: But, I did not understand. You can't really until someone you love so much... is there. Then you find yourself going to bed sometimes, wishing you could wake up in heaven. Not in a weird fatalistic way... I just would love to be there. I can't wait to be there and hold Phoenix in his little perfectly healed body. I truly miss him. Every day I miss him. Every day, I'm a little bit sad. Every day there is a hole in my heart. But it's OK. "Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf and dying world". I have been roused... thank you Lord. Thank you.