This Sunday at church we sang this song. Many of you are familiar with it. It is the one that I literally choked on if we sang it while I was pregnant with Phoenix. But, for the last year, I've been able to get through it. However, this Sunday,it about did me in. My friend that I mentioned before who is carrying her precious little girl... she is around 38 weeks pregnant now... was standing just a few rows in front of me when they began singing this song. "Blessed be your name when the road's filled with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name. You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." Once again, I choked on the words. I know, like me, my friend has chosen to continue praising God in the middle of her most desperate time and she was singing the song with all of her heart. But, I have not been given the strength right now and I am not able to bear the thought again. A precious amazing baby, that she might have to say goodbye to. It is too much.
God really is amazing. I had the strength for the road I was on (for that matter, the one I am on today.), but I don't have the strength for someone else's road. I am not handling it well. I was reading some web sites of some other precious babies that I know whose parents have decided to blog about them. Babies with Trisomy 18 that they have lost. Wow. I really just couldn't take it. I cried and cried. My son kept saying, "Mom, just click on the little red dot up there and stop reading!" I couldn't... I'm amazed that people read my story, it is so painful to imagine what these people have gone through. I look at Forest and I think, no way... no way, could a loving God ask us to give up a child.
Yet, I know, He did it first. How? How did he? How can any of us? I don't know. I did it, and I still don't know. I look back and I don't know how I am here today, and doing anything more than just "surviving". Thanks for going there with me. It has been and still is healing for me.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
You give and take away
Posted by Christy at 6:04 PM
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3 comments:
That song is hard for me and I have not been through what the two of have gone through/are going through. I'm glad you are able to heal while sharing with us. It is so helpful to learn from your perspective; I still feel inadequate to minister to people who have been through what you have, but I feel better equipped than I ever did before. I am praying for you and for our friend. I am so grateful for a God who does provide that strength that you talk about!
Your heart has ALWAYS been a testimony of your complete faith and trust in God. That song certainly reflects that. Thanks for helping us understand a bit more what faith and trust are about.
Yeah, that was a tough song for me Sunday with the anniversary of dad's passing.
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