awkward moments...

One of the inevitable things about being pregnant is the conversations you get to have with complete strangers. If anyone is given a few seconds with you... in a grocery line, on the elevator, at the bank...etc. then they will at least ask "When are you due?" or "Is it a boy or girl?"

Every single person that dares engage in a conversation like that is well meaning and usually loves the idea of having children. So, in my situation, I had to remember that. I usually just answered their questions and went on about my life. I had no desire to share a long drawn out story about my life with most strangers. However, sometimes, the dialogue kept going and often people would say something that required an explanation from me. You see, along with the other problems that Phoenix was having, he was unable to swallow. This meant that all of the amniotic fluid that my body was making, was building up inside the uterus with him. That made for a very rapidly growing tummy. I could have had it drained... but I was scared. I already had the amnio and I really didn't want them to do anything like that ever again. The risk of infection was there and I didn't want to lose him because of an infection. So, when I told people the due date and they looked at my stomach, they would always ask "is it twins???"

No, I would try to explain ...but then, they just felt terrible for even talking to me. It was awkward. To say the least. There are no real deep thoughts that I have on this, it is just one of the frustrating parts of my daily life that kept draining my emotions. That is the sad part. Although I didn't end up on medication, I WAS emotionally exhausted. I could barely handle life. My family and some of my closest friends, took the brunt of my pain. I would sometimes just be mad. Mad at everyone, the world. It was very hard to control. I wish it weren't that way, but it was. Most everyone was understanding... but it was still a bummer. I could tell I wasn't myself, but I couldn't do anything about it.