Where can I go when it hurts this bad??

Pain is not a new experience in this world of ours. Plenty of people have gone before me on this road or at least this "kind" of road. But, when it is you experiencing the pain, it feels VERY, VERY lonely and it is easy to forget that you are not the only one. There are so many paths available on this road. I could look to sugar to fill my void. (I've done this before.) It doesn't work for very long. I could turn to alcohol (never done that but the idea sounded very interesting.) I could get a prescription... which they offered right away (at least something to help me sleep.) However, I have always been one to think a little too much on things and I could see the end result in these paths... Eventually, I would still have to face the pain. I knew my Heavenly Father loved me despite what I was experiencing and somehow I could feel that His heart was aching as badly as mine was. SO... I ran to Him and crumbled into His arms. DAILY. I somehow began to find books that people had written on pain and read every single one of them. I read "A Path Through Suffering" by Elisabeth Elliot, "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis, "Holding onto Hope" by Nancy Guthrie, and more recently I have read "God on Mute" by Pete Grieg. Each of these was relevant to my road and helped me see that there were others on the road. No one I knew had ever experienced this kind of thing except one acquaintance I had at church and her loss had been years ago. While she was incredibly sympathetic, I certainly didn't feel like she was on the road with me. It was so helpful that I found the Trisomy 18 Foundation on the web. These ladies were walking the exact same road as I was. Just in various stages. It was great to be able to read what they were saying. I didn't post very often, but I didn't feel quite so alone. It is a strange thing to be so surrounded by friends and family that love you and yet still be incredibly alone in your struggle. Everyone had an intense desire to comfort and help, but no one could REALLY understand.

In this day and age, when we don't like something, we fix it. When we are uncomfortable we do something about it, we don't like pain and we do everything to take it away. However, I simply had no way to take this pain away. It was a road I had to travel and it promised to be long and difficult. Somehow, slowly, I settled into this new reality. And, strangely enough, I found joy along the way. I will tell you more about that tomorrow.