What does it mean to be grateful?

First of all, I can tell you what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean that there is no longer any pain. Often, I remember crying, in the shower or curled up in the bathroom floor and trying to verbalize what I was thankful for. Almost like a defiant chant so the world could hear that I wouldn't focus on all the bad. I am not an "overly" spiritual or religious person. I don't believe that the devil is hiding around every corner... but I do know that he would have delighted in my despair. So, I didn't want to show it to him. Or at least, if he must see it, I would show my grateful heart at the same time.
Being grateful, to me, was choosing to see what Phoenix had to offer to me and the rest of his family and the world while he was here. He was made for a purpose, no matter how long his life proved to be, so I was determined to be thankful for it. We had prayed for this little boy for 2 long years. He was an answer to prayer just in his very existence.
I became incredibly grateful for friends. Friends that were willing to just sit with me and enter the pain. I always thought that unless I had something healing to say, then I should not be involved in someone's trials. How wrong I was. There really isn't healing in the words. It is only in the being there. Now I know.
When I least expected it, one day, I pulled to the end of our drive way and got out of the van to get the mail. I was alone. I opened the mailbox and out spilled what looked like a hundred envelopes. At first, I thought, what did the mail man do wrong??? Then, as I picked them up, I realized they were all addressed to me. The overwhelming emotion that came over me is very difficult to describe. It was almost as if 100 people were all of a sudden standing before me saying... I'm so sorry. I almost fell over in the street. I managed to get to the van where I sat... right there in the driveway and read each card and cried for almost an hour. Some of my close friends and my dear sister in law had come up with the idea for a "card shower". It was perfect. I still have every single card and I will for the rest of my life. Those cards are more valuable to me than most things I own. They represent so many people and their love for our little boy. I read them every once in a while. There are a few that I would like to share with you. They are so profound and poetic. They should not be kept for just myself...